


Chloroform Girl

by orphan_account



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band), fifth harmony - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1960s, Coming Out, Consensual Touching, Depression, Drug Use, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, Gay, Gay Rights, Kidnapping, Lesbian, Lesbian Character, Mental Abuse, Murder, Physical Abuse, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self Harm, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tragic Romance, Underage - Freeform, Underage Drinking, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-25
Updated: 2015-04-20
Packaged: 2018-02-14 15:34:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2197149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All things truly wicked start from innocence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello :) I love Camren so Im excited to write this. It does have abuse and rape. I do not support rape or abuse its just a story. I put the trigger warnings in bold so please be careful!!!! Also sorry for any grammatical or spelling errors!!!! Lol Also!!! The title is from the song: Chloroform Girl by Polkadot Cadaver. Also this story is set in the 1960s sorry for any confusion!!!

**Trigger Warning: kidnapping**

 

Camila was small for your average ten year old. She was lean and skinny - maybe a little too skinny which she got teased about a lot. But she didn't have an eating disorders she was perfectly fine being small. She loved herself, and she loved the way she could fit into tiny spaces, and the way she could scream louder than all the other kids because she wanted to make sure she was never forgotten.

Camila was in the fifth grade at Heritage Elementary School. She was halfway through the year and she couldn't wait to go to middle school. Camilas alarm went off at 6:45 on and early monday morning. She was excited because she had the science fair today. She hopped out of bed and headed to the bathroom wiping the sleep from her eyes. After relieving herself, she quickly brushed her teeth and got dressed for school. She had on a bright pink top with a black skirt and a big bow on the top of her head. She smiled at her reflection very pleased with herself. Her toothy grin and big brown eyes were her favorite things about herself. She took a deep breath and exhaled.

"You'll do fine today Cam. Its science, you love science." She repeated to herself. She was very confident, but even confident people get nervous. She hurried downstairs eager to see her dad before he left for work.

"Dad?," she called throughout the house. No one answered. She hummed quietly to herself before checking the bedroom and the garage for the car. She sighed when the saw the note on the front door and she felt disappointed.

_"Camila, I'm sorry I couldn't see you off. I had a really important meeting today in court. I'll pick you up from school and then we can go out for ice cream, I promise. My apologies. I love you. -Dad_."

Camila felt her eyes start to tear up. Its just - her dad was her only family she had left after her mom died last year. She didn't quite understand why her father was gone so much. He was a lawyer for a big company but even powerful people could take time out to take their daughters to the science fair, right? Camila grabbed her backpack and project and headed off to the school bus. She groaned as the february wind came and blew her hair all over her face. After a few minutes the bus showed up and she clumsily climbed on mumbling apologies to people she bumped with her project. She sat down and looked out the window watching her breath fog up the glass. She imagined her dad waving to her from the parking lot and blowing her a kiss. She kissed her hand and put it against the window. She wished she had her mom. Her mom always knew what to say when she was nervous, but now she was gone so Camila had to make up her own side of the conversation.

"Be brave, little one," Camila whispered to herself trying to calm her nerves. It was something her mom used to say to her. It helped, but only a little.

At school, Camila liked to be a show off or a class clown but her stomach hurt when she was near people or in big crowds and she hated when people hated her so she tried her best to make others happy first.

School went by quickly and the judges came and critiqued her project, and her palms were sweating and her knees were shaking. _Be brave, be brave, be brave_ , she whispered to herself, and it helped, but only a little.

After school, she felt worse. Her stomach hurt and she felt like she needed to throw up. She just wanted to cry because she knew her project was dumb and boys on the playground made fun of her bow so they pushed her down and she scraped her knee. She wanted to hug her dad more than anything, but twenty minutes went by and her dad was nowhere in sight.

"Hey cam, do you need a ride?" A girl from her class yelled from out of a car window.

"N-no I'm alright. My dad is coming, thank you."

Her teeth chattered from the cold and she wished she would have brought a jacket. She checked the time from the school clock and it had been two hours. Camila slumped her shoulders and started to cry. She knew her dad loved her and she knew that tomorrow would be better but for right now all she wanted was to disappear.

It was getting dark and she knew her dad must be worried so she wiped away her tears on her sleeve and started to walk away. She decided to take a short cut past the park. She thought it would be safe, but she forgot that the world isn't a safe place for little girls. Especially in the dark.

**(Trigger Warning)**

She thought she heard a car pull up behind her but when she turned around nothing was there. She thought she heard a rustle of leaves behind her but when she turned around nothing was there. A few tears slipped from her eyes and she walked a little faster.

_Be brave, be brave, be brave_ she said to herself. And she started to gain confidence and walk faster. She heard the leaves crunch behind her and this time she knew she wasn't imagining it. 

She felt a sharp pain on the top of her head that sent a shock wave through her limbs. She could feel her body being pulled in different directions. She tried to kick and scream but her body was limp. She could feel hot tears roll down her cheeks and she felt embarrassed that she peed through her panties. She sat up in the car and choked on the gag in her mouth. She saw dark grey eyes in the reflection and screamed. She didn't want to be here. She didn't want to be with this strange man. She hated scary things.

Maybe she wasn't so brave after all.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Camila bit her nails as she walked along the sidewalk. Her clothes were stained with blood and her face was hot with tears. It was dark outside but she could see the sun poking over the horizon. She flinched when she heard a car drive by but they didn't stop so she kept on walking. 

It was weird to be out side. She missed the sun and the cool morning air. She hadn't been outside for five years. 

She had escaped. 

Every time she closed her eyes she could see his face and she could still feel his hands on her. She hurried along the sidewalk trying to find somewhere to hide. She needed as much distance between her and that dreadful house as possible. 

The sun had almost fully risen and Camila had to rub her eyes from the brightness. She missed the feeling of the suns heat on her skin, and she missed the way the sun spilled over the horizon. 

She couldn't stop crying. She could smell the dried blood on her clothes and taste the salty tears on her lips. 

She ran. She ran for a long time. She ran until her legs were sore and the bottom of her feet were bleeding from blisters. She bent over and threw up on the street. She had no idea where she was or how she had gotten here. For all she knew he was already looking for her. She starts coughing and threw up again. 

She ran down a few blocks and hid behind a corner to catch her breath.

"Hey, there, pretty little lady." She heard a voice say. Camila shrunk and cowered. She was taught to expect pain when someone spoke to her. She spun around and saw a homeless man walking towards her. 

"P-please d-d-don't," Camila cried. 

"No, no, sweet thing. I wouldn't hurt you." He caressed her cheek and Camila screamed. 

**(Trigger Warning: Flashback of rape)**

It didn't happen often. Well - it didn't happen every week. Thats only when she saw Him. The man that took her only came in once a week. Usually he would ask her questions. Questions she didn't understand. Things about her mother and her fathers job. She usually just answered them the best she could. That day was different.

 

"Hello Dolll," the man slurred, coming down the staircase and Camila whimpered. 

When Camila didn't answer he wrapped his fingers around her neck. 

"I said-" he growled, tightening his grip. "Hello Dolll. What do you say?" 

"H-h-hello s-sir," Camila cried. He let go of his grip and she threw up on the tile floor.

He kicked her in the stomach and she whimpered. "I-I-I'm s-sorry, s-sir." Camila cried,cowering  away from him. 

"You're going to be. What do bad girls get, Sweetie?" He growled shoving her to the mattress on the floor. 

"P-punished," Camila said barely above a whisper trying not to look him in the eye. 

He grabbed her jaw and forced her to look at him, "What was that, Doll?" 

"B-bad g-girls - they, they um. Bad g-girls get punished," Camila stuttered out, afraid, "S-sir." 

"Thats right, Honey," and Camila whimpered at the nick name and flinched when he raised his hand, "Oh, I wont hurt you, Doll. I promise."

His words had no meaning behind them. She could tell from his smirk. She could hear him taking of his pants and then she felt a sharp sting. 

And Camila screamed. 

\--

"Honey? Are you alright?" She heard an old woman say. 

"Um I, w-what happened?" 

"Edgar here found you and he said he scared you, and you had a panic attack," The old lady frowned, "Edgar didn't mean no harm, dear. He wouldn't hurt a fly."

The old man - Edgar - smiled cautiously at Camila as if to say _I'm sorry._

The old woman helped Camila up and brushed off her shirt. "Would you like to come inside, dear? We could get you cleaned up, and somethin' to eat." 

Camila frowned stepping away from the elderly two. She wanted to trust them, but what if they were bad like the man who took her? What if they kidnapped her and she couldn't get away this time? What if they - what if they killed her? 

The old woman frowned. She must have seen her change in demeanor. "Listen dear," she said softly, "the world is a gruesome place and most of the time you can only trust yourself, but sometimes when the road gets tough you gotta accept help from people who are only want the best. What d'ya say?" 

Camila nodded shyly and followed the old woman down the alley way and into a side door. For a minute Camila tensed because what if she never came out again? But the old womans smile was sincere, and Camila didn't know why, but she trusted her. 

\--

The old womans name was Margo and she owned a diner called Rustys. She lived above the diner and she let Camila shower and she brought Camila new clothes to wear. Camila learned that Edgar was a homeless man that lived nearby and visited Margo everyday. Camila thought it was cute that Edgar had a crush on Margo. They both seemed nice. 

\--

Margo cleared Camilas plate and put it gently in the sink. "So, Camila," the old woman started and Camila tensed up, "are you in any trouble, Darlin'?" 

"I - um, y-yes. Sort of?" 

"Do you want to talk about it?" 

Camila flushed and her body heated. She imagined everyone knowing the horrible things she had done. She imagined everyone laughing at her calling her a whore and saying she deserved it. She was too embarrassed. 

"I - I can't," Camila choked out. The old woman put her hand over Camilas. 

"I understand secrets, Hon. This house is full of them. The diner too. So am I. We're all full of secrets, but sometimes its better to let them go." 

Camila felt a tear rush don her cheek and she rushed to wipe it away. 

"I'm," Camila closed her eyes, "I'm r-running from, um - something. I cant go home. I - I need a place to hide." 

The old woman frowned and nodded. "I know a place," 

"Really?" Camila said. 

"Yes, my dear. You are a bright young girl, and whatever is going on I trust you can handle it." 

Camila flushed.

"But Darlin', all secrets have a way of comin' out with time. Y'know that don't ya'?" 

Camila nodded, and frowned. 

\--

The old woman pulled up at an apartment building and helped Camila out of the back. The grabbed some grocery bags and headed inside. 

"This was my sons apartment, but he don't use it no more." 

It was a small apartment to the old woman, but big to Camila. It was furnished, and had soft colors. There was one bedroom with a bathroom. But Camilas favorite part was the living room. It over looked the city and it looked absolutely gorgeous. 

"Are - are you sure this is, this okay?" Camila bit her lip. 

The old woman smiled softly and sat down on the couch beckoning for Camila to follow. She took Camilas hand and licked her chapped lips before starting to took, "I'd - I'd be lyin' if I said I was just doin' this out'a the goodness of my heart, but Camila you look so much like my daughter. She left at such a young age, and I miss her terribly. In a selfish way havin' you close to me is like - is like havin' her. I know that sounds incredibly insane, but a mother needs her children." Margo got a tissue and wiped her eyes and Camila started ro tear up. 

"Oh now! Don't you go cryin' on me too!" Margo laughed. She got up and went to the counter where the groceries were. "Here is some food to last you for at least a few weeks, and some clothes and hygiene products. I want to help more but m'friad thats all I can do." 

Camila took the old womans hand in her own. "I cant thank you enough, Margo. Really." 

"You're a sweet girl, Camila. You're pretty extraordinary. You shouldn't be runnin' from the world. The world should be runnin' from you." 

And for the first time in years, Camila smiled.

\-- 

A few days went passed and Camila spent her days lounging around and trying to remember what her old address was. She doubted her dad still lived there. She was in New York City now, and all she remembered was she lived in Philly. 

Camila had barely slept. When she was kidnapped all she could dream about was getting away, but now that shes away all she can dream about is somehow getting her freedom taken away again. 

Camila listened to music a lot. She missed it when she was gone and she never got to hear a sweet melody or even a hard bass drop. She really did miss a lot of things. She walked around the apartment wondering what happened to the person that used to live here, and why the old woman kept it. 

Camila was sitting on the couch reading a book she found called Withering Heights when someone knocked on the door. She immediately froze. 

Was it the police? Did someone find her? Did Margo tell someone? Camila finally gathered enough confidence to look through the peep hole. A girl with long, shiny black hair stood outside. Camila eased the door open. 

"Would you mind keeping it down?" The girl said rather rudely. 

"Um, I - what?" Camila had no idea what she was talking about. She was pretty though. Very pretty. Camila shook her head away from those thoughts. 

"You're playing music really loud." 

"I - who?" Camila asked, this very pretty girl had quite the attitude. 

"Look dont play dumb. Its really fucking annoying so, will you turn it down?"

"I - I wasn't playing anything." Camila stuttered. 

"Oh," The girl flushed, "never mind then." 

The black haired girl turns to the apartment across from Camilas. "W-whats - whats your name?" Camila asked shyly. 

The girl chuckled, "Lauren." 

Camila flushed and went back inside. She didn't know a name could be so - pretty. 

She sat down against the window, leaning her head against it. She was scared. She couldn't deny that, but sitting here up against the window, watching all the people walk past and the lights on the buildings - she felt powerless. Like she was small, and the world was big. Maybe too big. Maybe big enough that no one would miss her if she was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!!! Sorry its been awhile!!! I really like writing and I really like this story. Sorry if im not a good writer lol.
> 
> There is a trigger warning for this chapter at the beginning. There is a flashback of violence. There WILL be a lot of flashbacks and violent scenes and mentions of rape and rape scenes so if that's not your thing please be careful this is just a story its not real. Thank you all for reading!!! :) x (and ps im sorry i keep changing the story title but its for real this time i swear. also i forgot to add the tag this is in the 1960s im sorry for any confusion!! please keep reading i love you!!)

"Hello Dollll," A voice slurred.

 _Oh, no._ Camila thought. _This can't be happening. Please, no._

"I bet you missed me, Darlin'," She good taste his breath he was so close. He smelled like beer, and cigarette smoke. Camila felt a tear slide down her cheek. She couldn't look him in the eye.

"It's been a long time since we last...had some fun. Do you want to have some fun, Darlin'?" Camila shook her head as more tears slipped down her face.

"Look at me," he growled. "God damn it I said look at me!" He yelled hitting her across the face. He grabbed her bruised jaw and moved her head to meet his eyes.

She knew it was a dream. She knew it, but she could taste his breath and see the sparkle in his pale blue eye, while his other was a dark dark brown. She heard him unzip his pants, and he started to move Camilas legs. _No! God damn it, Camila! Wake up! Please, please wake up!_

Camila felt her ties loosen and she slipped one of her hands out.

"You can't fight me, Doll. I always win."

Camila shot up in bed. She looked around and she was still in the apartment Margo had given her. Her breathing was staggered and her chest felt heavy. She ran to the bathroom and vomited into the toilet. She laid on the tile floor until she caught her breath. She _hated_ dreaming, especially about _him._ What was she going to do? She couldn't stay here forever. She couldn't live her life hiding in old apartments, and running from shadows. She sat up and brushed her teeth and went to get a drink from the kitchen. It had been a week since she moved here. She took a sip of her water, sighing in relief as it soothed her sore throat. She looked out the window and she saw a couple holding hands down the street. They were bundled up in big jackets to keep them from the cold. Camila loved the cold. September was almost over and she could see the leaves changing on the trees, and she could almost smell the pumpkins people had out. 

She took a deep breath. She was going to go outside.

-

She was afraid. No - not just afraid. She was anxious, because 1001 things could go wrong. But she _had_ to go out.  She missed being outside, feeling the wind, and hearing the leaves crunch. She missed the _freedom._ She stood in front of the mirror. It was odd looking at herself after all those years. She was skinny, way too skinny for her age she knew that. Her hair had gotten long. It was almost past her bum. She scrunched up her nose and looked away. It was too weird. She grabbed a jacket off the rack and opened the apartment door. She took a deep breath. She had the keys to apartment, and her jacket, and some old hairspray she found in the bathroom. (her form of pepper spray.) She turned around suddenly too afraid. What is she never cam back out? What if He found her? _What if, Camila?  What if something went wrong?_ She took a deep breath, and walked out. Because what if something went right.

She cautiously walked down the hall and entered the elevator pushing the button to the first floor.

"Wait!" Someone yelled, and Camila flinched. "Can you hold that?"

Camila reach her hand out to stop the doors, and saw the dark-haired girl who lived across from her.

"Oh - um. Thanks." Lauren said stepping into the elevator. Camila nodded and stepped back as the elevator moved down.

"I'm - um. Lauren. By the way."

"I know," Camila smiled, "you told me."

"Oh, right." Lauren nodded. "Well, whats yours then?"

"Oh, its C-Camila," She cleared her throat, "Camila, s-sorry."

"Thats pretty." Lauren mused. The elevator dinged and both of them stepped out and walked towards the front doors.

"Well - um. It was nice meeting you, Camila." Lauren said walking in the other direction.

Camila bit her lip. Did Lauren not like her? Why did she walk away so fast?

Camila rushed up to tap Lauren on the shoulder. Lauren turned around quickly and Camila flushed. _Oh my gosh. Why did I just do that._ Camila thought.

"I - just...um," Camila stuttered, "I-It was nice..meeting you I mean." Camila flushed.

Lauren chuckled and ran her hand through her hair, "it was nice meeting you too, kid."

"I'm - I'm not a kid." Camila pouted. She turned away from the older girl and started walking away. It was windy - really windy. There was a lot of people out too. Camila was anxious. She flinched every time someone walked past, and people yelled at her when she accidentally stumbled into them. She sat down a a bench and watched the children play on the playground. There was a little boy who was way smaller than all the other kids. He kept to himself from what Camila could tell.  Another boy came and pushed the small boy down, and started laughing at him. Camila ran forward and pulled the little boy to his feet. The other boys scurried away.

"Hi," Camila smiled.

"H-hello," The boy said timidly, wiping his tears,

"Whats your name?" Camila asked.

"Brandon," the little boy said.

"I'm C-camila," She said softly.

"That's pretty. You're a pretty lady," the little boy said and Camila blushed.

"Thank y-you, Brandon. You know, you - you shouldn't let the other kids pick on you."

"But they're older and scary."

"You - you don't have to...to be big to be brave, Brandon. Did - did you know that?" Camila asked. The little boy shook his head. 

"Brandon!" An older woman called, "time to go home!"

"That's my mom," Brandon said shyly.

"Oh," Camila said softly. "Well, um...run along then, Brandon."

The little boy started to walk towards his mom, but quickly turned around, "Thank you, Camila. One day I want to be as brave as you."

The little boy ran away before Camila could say anything. She could feel the bile rising in her throat and a tear slide down her cheek. _Me? Brave? I'm not brave._

Camila walked back as fast as she could. She needed to get home , but then she remembered she didn't _have_ a home. She was just hiding. Hiding from Him. Hiding from the world. Hiding from herself. Camila watched the ground as she walked and accidentally bumped into someone.

"Hey, watch where you're going, kid!" A man yelled shoving Camila down to the ground.

"I'm not a k-kid!" Camila started to sob. She ran back to the apartment building as fast as she could. _What was I thinking? The world is even worse than I thought._ Camila shuddered. She wondered if people could see through her. She wondered if they could see her pain, and her sadness. She wondered if anyone could see the fingerprints on her of someone that wasn't supposed to be there. 

She went right past the elevator and straight to the stairs. She climbed them as fast as she could, and her sobs got harder with every step. Why did no one feel sympathy for her? Was everyone in the world like the man who took her? _Brandon as wrong. I could never be brave._ She frantically searched her pockets for her keys, and sobbed harder when she couldn't find them.

"No!" She cried, "No, no, _no_!"

"Camila?" She heard a voice say and she flinched. "Whats wrong? Are you okay?"

It was just Lauren. Camilas breathing slowed down and she wiped away her tears from her eyes. "Y-y-yeah..I'm - I'm - I'm just," Camila sobbed.

"Camila, what happened?" Lauren set down the bags she was carrying and stepped towards Camila.

Camila flinched. Lauren stepped back, shocked. She frowned. "I'm not going to hurt you, Mila."

Camila dried her eyes, "M-my _keys,_ I-I lost them," Camila hiccuped.

"Oh," Lauren said, "well I think have a spare key to that apartment."

"What?"

"I-," Lauren bit her lip, "I just knew the person that used to live there and they got locked out a lot."

"Oh."

"Yeah...I'll just go get it." Lauren turned towards her apartment than paused, "Camila?" she said turning around.

Camila's head popped up.

"Do - do you want to come in?" She asked, biting her lip. "I - I just don't want to be alone."

"Oh...um - I - yeah, okay."

Lauren unlocked her door and carried her bags inside while Camila cautiously followed.

"Are you hungry?" Lauren asked. Camila shook her head.

Laurens apartment was the same as hers, but it was decorated. There was a record player, and posters lining the walls, and she had books. Shelves and shelves of books.

"Do you read?" Lauren asked, approaching Camila slowly.

"I - yes," Camila said softly.

"Whats your favorite?"

"Withering," Camila cleared her throat and spoke up, "Withering Heights."

"Really? I love that one. My favorite is...uh," Lauren said searching the shelves, "Ah! This one."

Lauren handed her a book, and Camila was smiling at how excited Lauren was about books. Camila had read books when she was younger, and yeah she could read. She wasn't dumb. She only had a fifth grade education, but she could read. She read anything she could get her hands on in that filth place - including Withering Heights.

Camilas dainty hands brushed over the book, "The Great Gatsby," she said slowly, pronouncing it out.

"Yeah, have you ever read it?" Lauren asked. Camila shook her head.

"You can borrow it if - if you want. I mean - its really good."

Camila smiled. "Thank you."

The kettle went off and Camila flinched, "Its okay," Lauren said walking towards the kitchen, "its just the kettle."

Camila relaxed and sat down on the couch. "Do you want some tea?" Lauren asked.

"Um - can I just have some water? Like, cold - cold water, please?"

Lauren laughed and handed her a glass of water. "Thank y-you."

Lauren nodded, "So whats your story?" She asked the smaller girl.

Camila frowned, "It's not very interesting." She said quietly.

"Ah, I see. You like mysteries, huh?" Lauren asked.

"I - yes. I like mystery...um - books, but I wish life was just...simple."

"Simple?" Lauren asked, "So if you could run away and go on an adventure would you do it?"

Camila smiled, "Maybe."

"So, how old are you?"

"I'm sixteen," Camila said softly.

"Wow, you're a lot older than you look."

"Um - thanks?" Camila flushed.

"I - no. Sorry I didn't mean that in a rude way."

"Its okay," Camila said.

"I'm nineteen," Lauren said softly.

Camila giggled "You're o-old."

Lauren blushed and looked at the ground. "Do you want me to get you some water?" Camila nodded handing her the glass.

Camila felt oddly comfortable sitting in Laurens apartment on the couch. She knew she had to be careful trusting people but there was something different about Lauren. She was pretty - extremely pretty. She was wearing a flowy shirt, and pants that were snug around her fit bum. Camila blushed. Why was she thinking about Laurens...bum? Did she like it? No. Camila did not. What if she did something to make Lauren mad? What if - What if Lauren tried to hurt her? Camila was way smaller than Lauren surely she could - NO. She shook her head from the thoughts, standing up abruptly. What was she thinking coming here? This was bad. She could feel the anxiety pooling in her stomach. 

"Camila?" Lauren said, approaching her slowly, "whats wrong, Mila?"

"N-nothing. I just - I have to go. I'm - I'm sorry."

"No, its - its okay. I'll get the key." Lauren exited the room and came back a few minutes later. By then, Camila had calmed down a little and didn't flinch that much when Lauren approached. Lauren put the key in Camilas hand. Camilas hand was _burning,_ and her stomach felt weird. She didn't want to be touched, but she didn't want Lauren to move her hand.

"Here. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable or anything. Um - I - yeah."

Camila got up and walked towards the door, "Thank you for...um help-helping me, and thank you - just, thank you. You're - you're very kind." Camila walked out and opened the door to her apartment as fast as she could. She shut the door and slid down on the other side breathing heavily. Why was she having these yucky thoughts about Lauren? She closed her eyes and took another deep breath.

Camila finally realized: She wasn't afraid of Lauren. She was afraid of herself. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO I AM SOS SO SO SORRY I HAVENT UPDATED. My parents got a divorce and so I've just been busy :( Im so sorry i won't give up on this story i promise just stay with me :)

**(Trigger Warning: Flashback of rape)**

"Camilaaaaaaaaa," She heard. She tried to close her eyes but they wouldn't move. Something was wrong she knew it. 

 _Wake up!_ She urged herself. _Please wake up!_

"Oh this isn't a dream, sweetheart," The man said roughly pushing into her, "I'm more real than I've ever been." 

"P-please, stop," Camila tried to say but he covered her mouth. She starting crying harder as he thrusted into her again. 

"Please, p-please stop. You - you don't - you don't have to do this. Please stop." She cried. 

"You know you love it," he seethed. 

"I don't...I - I....please, please stop." Camila cried over and over again but he wouldn't listen. 

"You can't ever escape me, _Camila_. I'll always be with you even if it's just inside your head. You'll never truly be alone, because you and me and the devil makes three." 

" _Wake up_!" Camila screamed. 

She sat up in bed drenched in sweat and urine. She ran to bathroom and vomited into the toilet. 

 _Why me_? She thought. _Why why why why why why._

She turned on the shower and rinsed off her clothes and peeled them off. She washed her hair and body three times before getting out. She still felt _dirty_. 

She knew she would never truly get over this but she had to at least _try_. 

She brushed her hair and put on jeans and a white t-shirt. She walked back into her room while brushing her teeth and noticed her bed. The sheets were stained with urine and she felt embarrassed. She had never wet the bed before. It was her dream. This dream was different. In this dream he said her name. She had thought she could just forget about the whole thing and pretend they were just nightmares happening to someone else. But he said her _name_. She had never ever hated her name as much as she did when he said it. What if he knew where she was? What if he followed her back here? What if he kidnapped her again? _No_. He couldn't. Camila thought. It's impossible you k-

"Enough." Camila said aloud. She couldn't admit to what she did. She never would. If she never told anyone she was kidnapped no one would ever suspect her. 

Camila put on her coat and grabbed her wallet and keys. She needed to get out. Where would she go? She didn't have any friends. Except...Lauren. 

No. She thought. We're not friends. Her eyes wandered the room and she saw the bed. Okay, she thought. I'll get cleaning supplies. 

 _And maybe if you just happen to see Lauren it won't be so bad._ Her subconscious added. 

Camila smiled. _Maybe it wouldn't be so bad._

Camila walked out her door and started walking towards the elevator. 

She pressed the first floor button and hugged herself tightly as the elevator went down.

The elevator dinged and Camila stood up abruptly from leaning against the wall, and hit her head on the person standing in front of her. 

"Ow!" Camila said.

"I'm sorry I - Camila?"

Camila froze. She looked up in front of her and sighed in relief when she saw it was Lauren.

"H-hi," Camila stuttered.

"What are you doing?" Lauren asked.

"What? I'm...um. I'm just g-going out to..to.." Camila couldn't stop looking at Lauren she was _beautiful_.

"Its almost 1 am, Camila.."

"What?" Camila pushed past her to look out the front doors. She didn't even realize...how long had she slept? She took a deep breath and felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Are you okay sweetheart?" She heard the door man say. _Sweetheart._ _Sweet heart._....

She turned around and saw the man that kidnapped her and she screamed.

**(Flashback)**

Camilas eyes opened slowly. Her head ached she tried to stretch out but her limbs were stiff. She tried to turn over and there was a kink in her neck. She groaned.

 _What happened?_   She thought. _I was at school, and the science fair, and my dad was late to pick me so I started walking...What else happened? Think, Camila. Think! I was walking and then...and then...I heard something. I heard a car door shut, and I heard leaves crunch behind me, someone came up behind me and..._ Oh her head ached. She furrowed her eyebrows and tried to remember more. _Think Camila, think!! And then I was kidnapped._

She shot up so fast her whole body ached. The room was spinning and her chest was burning from her breathing so fast.

_Where are you, Camila. Look around. Where. Are. You._

She looked around and saw a small bucket in the corner and a towel covering the window. She was in a small room and the door was across from her. She tried to crawl towards it but her ankle was chained to wall. her wrists her bound together behind her, and there was a gag in her mouth. She bit and moved her lips until her jaw was burning but finally the gag slipped off.

"Hello?" She screamed, "hello?"

Nobody answered.

"Someone help me!" She cried out.

"God damn it!" She heard someone yell, and then there was footsteps. The man barged in and Camila got a good look at her attacker. He was tall with brown hair, and crooked teeth. He had one brown eye and one blue one. She screamed.

The man reached forward and slapped her across the face. Every cell in her body was on high alert. She cowered into the corner and tried to make herself smaller. Her grabbed her jaw, forcing her to make eye contact.

"You're mine now, _sweetheart_ ," he cooed kissing her cheek softly. Camila shuddered.

"Now," he said removing the bounds on her wrists with a crooked smile, "take off your clothes."

"Camila?? Camila, can you hear me?"

Camila gasped, and her eyes shot open. Lauren hugged Camila tightly to her chest and whispered in her ear.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt, Mila?"

Camila shook her head, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Can you tell me what happened?" Lauren asked.

Camila looked at the door man. It wasn't her kidnapper at all. It was a black man named Rob.

"Shh," Lauren rubbed Camials back, "Rob won't hurt you."

Rob smiled down at Camila and helped her up. "Are you okay, ma'am?"

"I - yes. I'm sorry. I - I didn't meant to-,"

"No apologies ma'am."

Camila smiled at him and looked up to Lauren. The older girl looked down at her and moved a strand of hair out of her face.

"Are you okay, Camila? Lets go take you upstairs, hmm?"

Lauren held Camilas hand and walked her to the elevator and pressed their floor button.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?" Lauren asked.

"I-" Camila looked at the floor. There was no way in hell she could tell her. She didn't even know if she could trust her.

Lauren nodded. The elevator dinged and Lauren led the smaller girl down the hall to her room.

"Thank you," Camila said opening the door to her room.

"Wait-" Lauren said grabbing her arm, "oh um...sorry I just...nevermind. Goodnight"

Lauren turned around and walked back towards her room.

"Wait," Camila said and Lauren turned around, "do you um...do you want to - do you want to like, come in?"

"Yes," Lauren replied, "I would love too."

They both went in Camilas apartment and took their coats off.

Lauren started looking around and Camila got embarrassed.

"I'm sorry about what happened in - in the l-lobby. I-I just get scared sometimes."

"Its okay. We don't have to talk about it if you don't want." Lauren assured her, "Are you okay?"

"Y-yeah - yeah. I'm good."

"Really," Lauren said, "What is it?"

"Its...I - I've never had um...like a girlfriend over before."

Lauren smiled. "Not - not that you're like my girlfriend or - or anything...I - I just. I haven't even had a boyfriend of friend over and I-,"

"Camila," Lauren said softly, "Breathe."

"Breathe. Yeah - yeah okay. I just...need to breathe."

"Sooo," Lauren said plopping down on the couch, "Tell me about yourself."

"Um, there's not much to tell." Camila said, cautiously sitting down next to her. 

"Oh, please. There is another Camila in there no one knows," Lauren said poking Camilas stomach and she giggled.

"Um," Camila smiled.

"I used to..." She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, "I used to love science."

"Used to?" Lauren asked "What happened?"

Scenes of That Night flashed through her head. Car door opening getting, leaves rustling, getting hit and shoved in a van.

"Nothing," Camila said, shrugging, "lost interest I guess."

"I hated school. I couldn't wait to graduate."

"How old are you?" Camila asked.

"I'm 19, and you?"

"16."

"When do you turn 17?"

"Um...Jan-January."

"Really??" Lauren asked with a smile. "What are you doing for your birthday?"

"I-," Camila frowned. "I hadn't even thought about it."

"Oh...well, we can do something together if you want?" Lauren asked.

Camila didn't know what to say. There was a beautiful girl right in front her offering something she had never had before. A friendship

"Yeah - yeah, ok." Camila smiled.

Lauren smiled back and got up and turned music on from the record player.

"I love this song," Lauren smiled, "Would you like to dance with me?"

Camila smiled and took her hand and they danced across the hardwood floor.

It was full of spins, and dips, and laughs, and stepping on each others toes, and giggles.

"Okay big finales ready?" Lauren smiled.

Camila spun out and slipped and hit her head on the floor.

"Camila?? Oh my god are you okay?" Lauren spun the smaller girl over and found her laughing.

"You! Asshole! Camila!" Lauren said hitting her with a pillow, "I thought you were hurt!!"

"I'm - I'm sorry," Camila laughed, trying to catch her breath.

They both laid on the floor trying to catch their breath.

"What time is it?" Lauren asked. Camila looked over at the clock.

"Almost 5 am..." Camila laughed.

"Ugh, I have to get ready for work." Lauren groaned.

"I'm - I'm sorry I made you stay up all night." Camila said turning to face her.

"Its okay," Lauren smiled, "I haven't had this much fun in a long time."

"Me too," Camila said smiling at her.

They both looked at each other for awhile before Camila spoke up.

"Lauren?"

"Hm?"

"Is it okay to...to like girls?"

"Its okay to like whoever you want," Lauren smiled.

Camila blushed, "Good."

 


	5. Chapter 5

_"Good morning, sweetheart." She heard her kidnapper say, "You look dreadful."_

**_Your eyes look just like bullet holes._ **

_"Did you try shaving like I asked you?"_

_She took a deep breath, "It-It hurt."_

_**It must be all that crying.** _

_He laughed dryly, and grabbed her jaw. "But I said you had too and what I say goes."_

**_You haven't learned a thing at all._ **

_"You-you said if I did what you said I could see my dad."_

_"And you believed me?" He laughed._

**_Another helter skelter._ **

_She started to cry, "why did you do this? H-How-how long will I-I be here?"_

**_Moonlight has come and gone._ **

_"Forever, darling," He smiled._

**_The bloody writings on the wall._ **

_He put a blindfold on her, and she heard a shuffle of movement. He put a gag in her mouth and she instantly felt the urge to throw up._

_"Remember this?" He asked her, "Its chloroform."_

_She remembered the similar taste in her mouth from when he first kidnapped her, but this wasn't as strong. Right as he put it around her head she started to feel dreary, and she was no longer in control of herself. She wanted to be dead._

 

\----

 

Two months.

Camila had lived in the old apartment for two whole months.

She was starting to feel better, and she was having less panic attacks. She didn't want to admit it but she knew it was because of Lauren.  They hung out  a few times since their little dance marathon in Camilas living room, which was a  few weeks ago, but Camila was dying to see her again.

Camila closed her eyes and remembered when they went for a walk in the park and Lauren bought her coffee.

_"You've seriously never had coffee? Oh my God. I'm buying you some right now," Lauren laughed. Camila followed cautiously as Lauren went into a small shop on the corner of the street._

_"I love this place," Lauren smiled, "I come here a lot. I love the smell."_

_Camila inhaled and smiled lightly. She loved the smell of fresh-brewed coffee._

_"I love the coffee smell too. My dad used to drink it every morning," Camila said suddenly. Lauren looked at her in shock because Camila barely ever spoke of her family._

_"Yeah?" Lauren smiled, and Camila nodded._

_"I would always like - ask for some...coffee, you know? And he'd be like 'No, Camila. Coffee is for grown ups. It will make little girls like you grow a beard and armpit hair!' " Camila laughed at the memory of her dad, and then her eyes widened when she realized what she just said. She talked about her dad. Lauren smiled and squeezed her shoulder reassuringly._

_"That's so funny!" Lauren laughed, "My mom used to say the same thing and my dad would secretly give me some! You'll love it, I promise."  
_

_Camila smiled, as they moved up in line. The coffee shop was very small. It was nice. Camila watched as Lauren stepped forward. She was wearing jeans that were folded at the bottom and a white t shirt. She had black high tops on and a red bandana on her head. She had her own sense of style. She dressed the way she felt comfortable. It made Camila feel dumb in her old dress, but Lauren smiled at her and they got their coffee. The warm liquid rushed down Camila's throat and she gagged at first, but swallowed it all._

_"You okay?" Lauren smiled._

_"That's amazing!" Camila said, and chugged the whole thing. Camila went back there a few times after her and Laurens trip and the older woman offered Camila a job, which Camila graciously accepted._

She sat in her bed staring at the ceiling. She had usually kept herself busy by hanging around her apartment and reading the books left behind, and working at her new job at the Cafe. She cleaned up the apartment daily. She hated messes. Even though the apartment was very clean she always felt like everything was dirty. Now, she sat on her bed staring at the ceiling. She learned how to control her breathing when she got scared and she was practicing her exercises now.  
She had also learned a way to keep herself busy. She listed off all the things she loved about life before she was kidnapped.

"One: Dogs. Two: Science. Three: Watching my dad make dinner for me. Four:......My dad." She sat up quickly and rubbed her eyes as tears fell from them. _My_ _dad._ She thought to herself. _Where is he? Why did he never look for me? Why didn't he pick me up at the bus stop ten years ago? Why doesn't my dad love me?_ All these thoughts bombarded her at once like someone splashed cold water on her and her whole body was frozen. 

_Because, you're a killer, Camila._ Her subconscious reminded her.

"No," Camila sobbed, clutching her hair between her small, frail hands.

_You're a cold-blooded, murderer._

"Stop," Camila cried. Her breathing was getting out of control and she tried to calm herself down. She could see herself walking towards her, and another her across the room and another and another. They all shouted things at her making Camila's throat close up. She imagined herself as a doll that people played with and controlled. 

_You're no better than the man who kidnapped you. You're worse._

"ENOUGH!" Camila screamed. She was crouched on the ground, with her knees curled up to her chest. She looked up and her apartment was empty. She had imagined the whole thing. She breathed a sigh of relief, and curled up on the floor and fell asleep.

 

\--

She woke up a few hours later, and she felt a lot better. She wiped her eyes and went to the bathroom to relieve herself. Her thoughts drifted back to Lauren. Everything seemed to remind Camila of her. Lauren made everything better. When Camila was held captive all she couldn't remember why she wanted to be alive, and now, hanging out with Lauren, she was starting to remember why. Laurens dark hair, and dark eyes terrified her but they reminded her of the dolls she used to play with when she was younger, but Lauren was much more beautiful than a doll. Lauren was smart and she talked like she knew every secret of the universe. She challenged Camila, and she made her try new things. Camila reveled in the joy of finally having a friend, but when Camila was with her she found herself looking at Laurens lips a lot and how they would taste, but she kept that to herself. Before she knew what was happening she stood in front of Laurens door too afraid to knock. Just as she went to knock the door opened.

"Uh..." Lauren started, "Haha. I heard someone out here, but I thought it was just Mr. Cho falling over with groceries I was going to come help."

"HI," Was all Camila said.

"Hi. What are you doing here?" Lauren asked.

"I - I - I'm sorry. I just -" Camila started to turn around, she could feel her face getting hotter.

"No. No its okay," Lauren laughed, grabbing Camilas arm and pulling her back towards her, "did you need something?'

"I - uh. I just want to - to see you. I guess..." Camila trailed off.

Lauren smiled, "I'm making dinner. Would you like to come in?"

"Okay," Camila said nervously, biting her lip.

"I'm making spaghetti. Do you like that?"

"I love spaghetti. I...I haven't had it in a long time.

"Oh," Lauren smiled.

They both sat in silence for a moment and Camila got a chance to look around Laurens apartment. It was the same as Camila's but Lauren had a hint of style to it. Camila liked that Lauren didn't leave it to the normal furnishings. Camila liked that Lauren had her own sense of style. She loved that Lauren wore long jeans and a white t shirt with a black leather jacket.

"So, do you know how to cook?" Lauren asked.

"Uh...no," Camila laughed shyly.

"Whaat?" Lauren laugh, "didn't your mom ever teach you?"

Camila shifted uncomfortably, "No," She smiled softly.

Lauren knew there was more to the story, but she didn't press her on it, "Well, come here. I can teach you. I'm a very good cook. I used to cook for my family all the time."

Camila entered the kitchen cautiously and put on the apron that Lauren gave her. Lauren handed her a spoon to stir the sauce and Camila slowly followed her instructions.

"See! You're a natural," Lauren laughed.

Camila blushed, and laughed lightly, "I'm just stirring."

"You're not _just_ stirring. You're making a mean spaghetti sauce!"

Camila laughed loudly, and covered her mouth with her hand. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Lauren laughed, "its okay."

Camila smiled.

"How'd you learn to - um...cook?" Camila asked.

"My mom taught me and my siblings when when we were very young. She even taught my brother. She thought that men should know how to cook to. She was a pretty big feminist," Lauren laughed lightly.

"Was..?" Camila inquired.

Lauren stopped smiling and paused. "She's gone," She said quickly, Camila opened her mouth to ask more questions but Lauren beat her to it, "Its a long story. I don't really like to talk about it."

Camila smiled shyly and nodded. She wanted to understand, but she also wanted to know everything about Lauren she could.

They finished making the food and sat down at the table to eat. Lauren noticed that Camila stirred around with her food before she ate it, almost as if she was examining if anything else was in it. Camila very cautiously put a bite to her mouth and moaned quietly. Lauren eyed her suspiciously. Something was off about Camila, but she wouldn't press her on it. After they finished eating, Lauren got up and put hers and Camila's plates in the sink.

 "Um, I'm going to use the restroom just...make yourself comfortable. Then we can have dessert, okay? Do you like chocolate chip cookies?" Lauren said.

Camila nodded and sat down on the couch. She shifted uncomfortably when she felt something poking her. She got up and found a book wedged between the cushions, but it wasn't just a book. It was handwritten. Was it Laurens journal? Camila knew it was wrong to through other peoples things. She knew how it felt to be ripped open and have all your innermost secrets thrown around, but she couldn't help it. 

She opened the journal to a random page and started to read.

_"...He was old, much older than I, and he seemed, sad, and lonely even. No matter how much love I gave him it wasn't enough. No matter what I do it's never enough."_

She turned to the next page.

_"He would always yell at me, and push me around. I felt worthless, and the he never came home. I sat alone all night until 3 am crying that one day things would change, but they never did. I loved him. I really did. At first he was sweet and bought me nice things, and then the sweetness turned to rage and the kisses turned to bruises. I felt tethered to him. I felt hopeless."_

Hopeless.

_"He would always yell at me and push me around."  
_

Anger. Yelling. Hopeless. Worthless. Camila knew these feelings well. _Too_ well.

She shook her head of the thoughts when she heard the bathroom door open and she shoved the journal back where it was. She wondered how anyone could hurt Lauren like that. She was so beautiful and nice, and special. Camila's heart hurt as she thought of anyone hurting Lauren the way she was hurt. She could feel a lump rising in her throat but she tried to ignore it as Lauren came closer.

"Hey," Lauren smiled at her, "You ok?" Camila nodded, and Lauren eyed her suspiciously, but didn't press her on it because things were going so well, "So...want to help me make cookies?"

"Okay," Camila smiled nervously, "but I don't know how."

"That's okay! I'll teach you, c'mon," Lauren said grabbing Camila's hand, and pulling her towards the kitchen. Camila's hand felt like it was on fire and she tried not to think about Laurens long fingers curled up next to her own.

Lauren got Camila a apron and they both pulled their hair back into a ponytail.

"Okay, so first we need to combine flour, baking soda, and salt together in a bowl," Lauren said reading the recipe off her book.

"Okay," Camila giggled scooping the powders into the bowl, "this is fun."

Lauren laughed as she watched Camila struggle trying to get the perfect amount of flour and not settling for any less.

"Okay," Camila laughed, "whats next?"

"Next we cream the butter, sugars, vanilla and the egg!"

Camila nodded, "Okay! Easy enough,"

Camila tried to mix them all together and her eyes lit up like a Christmas tree, and her cheeks flushed when she felt Lauren looking at her. Laurens gaze left her body feeling hot - too hot, like she had step foot in a giant oven. Camila got the handled mixer and tried to mix it all together and she lost control. The mixer started going too fast and the flour from the bowl flew everywhere.

"Lauren!" Camila yelled, "Help! What do I do?"

"It's okay!" Lauren yelled back over the loud buzzing of the mixer, "Just turn it off! There's - there's a switch turn it," She yelled, getting closer to Camila and pointed at the switch, "Off." Lauren finished her sentence after the loud buzzing stopped. Camila started to laugh so hard it looked like she painted her face red. 

"I'm - I'm so sorry. I ruined it," Camila said laughing. Lauren giggled with her and brushed Camila's bangs out of her face.

"You have flour ALL over you," Lauren laughed, wiping the powder off Camilas' face with her thumb. Camila felt like she had stepped into that oven again. Her breathing started to accelerate and she could feel her throat start to close up, like she had pushed the gas peddle and was going so fast the peddle got jammed.

 _Just breathe, Camila._ She told herself.

Laurens thumb brushed across Camilas lip and the younger girl felt something deep in the pit of her stomach she had never felt before. Laurens face leaned in and her lips pressed against Camilas lips. Camilas heart was beating so fast she was afraid Lauren would hear. Her hearts' rapid pace must have left bruises on her chest by now. Camila watched with her eyes open as Lauren pulled away and moved back to the younger ones lips again. Her lips were soft and tasted sweet like Camila was licking frosting off a cupcake. Camila didn't understand why people closed their eyes when they kissed. Why would she want to miss this? Camila closed her eyes anyway, and it was magical. Camila's body was reacting strangley as if someone had set off fireworks inside her. Lauren smelled like strawberries and everything about her was soft and gentle. Camila eased her eyes open only to be met with the eyes of her kidnapper.

"NO!" Camila shoved Lauren away.

"You can't escape me, sweetheart," The man smiled.

"STOP!" Camila yelled, sobbing and rushing for the door.

"Camila?" Lauren yelled, "Camila, WAIT!"

Camila's heart was beating so fast, but it felt like it was pumping ice through her veins and her entire body was rigid. She ran into her apartment, and locked the door and hid herself in the closet trying to escape the thoughts screaming through her mind. She closed her eyes and all she could see was the man who had her tied up all those years. Laurens face repeated through her mind, when she shoved her away. The older woman looked so vulnerable and hurt _._   _Why, why, why why, WHY?! Did I do that? She will never forgive me._

_You're a monster, Camila._

"I'm a monster," Camila repeated, drifting off.

_You hurt everyone you touch._

"I hurt everyone I touch," Camila whispered, and a tear fell down her face.

_You're better off alone._

"I'm better off alone."

 

 

 

 

 


	6. Finally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really proud of this chapter omg listen to Never Let Me Go by florence and the machine it fits with it towards the end!!!! I know its really short im sorry :( ill update again soon but this chapter is really important! i hope you like it!!!!!!!!!

Camila didn't have an excellent memory. She could remember a few things that she did throughout her life before she was kidnapped, but she doesn't remember words - she remembers pictures. Snapshots run through her mind like a slideshow on a projector. Like, Lauren accidentally spilling coffee on the tile floor of The Cafe. Or Lauren wiping spaghetti sauce off her face, staining her napkin red. Lauren laughing, with her mouth open wide and her eyes screwed shut with flour all over her. But Camila couldn't shut out the bad snapshots that were mixed in with the good. Like when she ran out of Laurens apartment - it was almost in slow motion - Lauren had a tear slipping past her eye. Her red lipstick was smudged and she had flour all over her apron her her jet black hair. But what Camila remembered most was Laurens face. She looked so hurt like she had just found out her dog runaway. Camila was working at The Cafe like she had been all week trying to avoid Lauren. She _wanted_ Lauren more than anything shes ever wanted in her whole life. She wanted to talk to her, and laugh, and make cookies and dance until four in the morning, but they couldn't. Camila was so up and down all the time, she couldn't put Lauren through that.

"What can I get for you?" She asked the man at the counter.

"Hi can I get an espresso and a chocolate muffin, please?" He asked, handing her some money.

"Yes," she said, and told him the total, "Here you go," she said handing him the bag, "Have a nice day."  He smiled and thanked her and Camila wrote down the order on her pad of paper, from her apron, for the inventory.

"I'll be with you in a moment," Camila said, biting her lip, and she tried to hurry when she heard another customer come in.

"Take your time," a woman said in a raspy voice, and Camila froze. She closed her eyes and pretended that it was a dream, but she knew it wasn't. Sooner or later she had to turn around. Her heart thumped loudly in her chest and she counted to ten before she turned around facing the woman on the other side of the counter. She was in jeans that hugged her thighs tightly, and a white shirt that was a contrast against her dark, messy hair that was in waves down her shoulders.

"Hi," Lauren whispered, in a raspy voice, which Camila came to the conclusion it had been because she was crying - or yelling. Maybe both. Camila knew that the woman in front of her was in pain She could _see_ it in her deep, green irises. Her eyes were swollen and she was shaking, but not because she was cold.

"Lauren.." The younger woman said in an uneasy voice. Lauren couldn't be here. Camila wanted so badly to run up to her and let Lauren hold her until the sky turned purple.

"I have to talk to you. Please...let me just-"

"Why?" Camila interrupted her. She tried to keep a steady voice, but her insides were screaming at her. Half of her wanted to scream at her and tell the older woman to never give her another second of thought, but the other half, the half Camila was so desperately was trying to fight, wanted so badly to be wrapped up in the older womans warmth and to smell her hair and to listen to her talk until her voice was hoarse. Camila wanted Lauren as a friend. Lauren was the most interesting person Camila had ever met. Every second Camila was with Lauren she felt good, and confident. She felt like she was just a normal girl, but she deep down she knew she wasn't just a normal girl. Camilas emotions were like the weather, they changed so quickly that she couldn't control them, and sometimes they got...violent. The inner turmoil inside her was put at ease when Lauren started to speak again. Her voice was as soft as velvet and Camilas felt like she was on fire from the sweet melody. 

"Camz, please. You know why," Lauren said, her hands were stuffed in her pockets avoiding the cold air, and her thick eyebrows were furrowed creating lines on her forehead.

"I have to work," Camila said, grabbing a sponge to wipe down the tables.

"I can wait," Lauren said softly, biting her lip. Camila wanted to badly to just say "Okay." Camilas whole body was shaking from trying not to cry.

"Don't, Lauren. Please. Don't make it harder," Camila said back, a lump rising in her throat.

Lauren nodded and turned away going out the door. She stopped for a moment and in that split second Camila told herself that if Lauren turned around and came back that the younger woman would stop fighting herself and give in to the temptation. But Lauren kept going. The younger woman watched from the window as Lauren walked all the way down the street until she turned the corner. _I can wait._ Lauren had said. Why would she do that? Why would she want to wait for me? Camila wondered. No one had ever waited for her. She was always left behind. Thats how she ended up being taken, but Lauren said she would wait for her. Camila felt butterflies in her stomach, but they were shot down when she remembered that they could never be together. Camilas tears fell down her face so fast she couldn't even see. Her vision was blurred and she sunk down to the floor. Her hand was covering her mouth trying to muffle her sobs, but they echoed throughout the empty cafe. She was so tired of losing people. She was so tired of being upset, and hiding this giant secret inside of her.

"Camila?" she heard a soft say, startling her. She gasped, and shot up, wiping the tears from her eyes. "Are you alright?" the woman asked. She was the daughters owner, Normani. Camila had only met her more than a few times, she seemed sweet and they were good friends. Camila hiccuped trying the catch her breath, but her sobs were coming out too fast. "God, come here," The woman said pulling the smaller girl into a hug. Camila held on tight to her. What she hated most was: She was afraid. All the time. Every time the bell to The Cafe rang her breath hitched hoping - praying - that it wasn't her kidnapper. But she knew he couldn't come looking for her.

"Camila," Normani said, pulling away, "I act like I don't notice, but I do. You flinch every time someone talks to you or comes near you, and your eyes are always swollen from crying. I thought maybe you were just upset about something, but sweetie...something scares you to death. Something makes you so afraid and so sad I can see it in your eyes. What is it?"

Camila shook her head, backing away, "I can't. Please, I can't."

"Camila. You tell me right now or I will go to the cops. Did someone hurt you?" Normani asked, worry clear in her big brown eyes. Camila looked up at her, and she knew she could trust her but, once you know something you can't _unknow._

"If...If I say the words aloud. I can't ever take them back. There's a chance you'll never look at me the same again," Camila said with tears rolling down her face.

"Oh, Camila," Normani said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, "Its probably not as bad as you think. I know you! You wouldn't hurt a fly,"

Camila laughed dryly, "You're wrong about that."

"Tell me, Camila, please." Normani begged. The older woman got up and turned the sign on the door to 'closed' and slid down behind the counter next to the younger one. Camila looked her right in the eyes and said her next words as steady as she could.

"I - I was kidnapped,"

"WHAT?" Normani yelled out of disbelief.

"I was kidnapped, but I got away and now - now I'm here."

"Camila...I'm so...sorry," Normani said not knowing what to say, "are you afraid the person is going to find you again?"

Camila nodded, even though she knew it was impossible. Normani held her in her strong arms and rubbed Camilas back as the younger woman sobbed. Normani knew there was more, and so did Camila but there was no way in hell Camila would ever tell anyone what happened in those dreadful years she was away from home. 

"Have you told the police?" Normani asked.

"How...how can I? No one would b-believe me! Besides, its - its been months. If I...If I came clean now, ev-everyone would just...just laugh at me, and say it - it w-was my fault."

"Camila its not your fault..." The older woman said in disbelief. Knowing that no one would believe this small girl if she came clean. Normani felt so bad for her and wanted to help...or do something - anything - but how do you help someone with something like this?

"How - how did you get away?" The older woman asked.

"I slipped my hand through the ropes he - he had, and - and I slapped him and kicked him and...and I ran as fast as I could. I've been running ev-ever since. Not - not literally, like - like from my mind, m-my thoughts, my..." Camila went silent as she thought Lauren.

"Is this about the woman that was in here earlier?"

Camilas eyes went wide, "How-how d-did you know about that?"

"I came in early to help, and I saw her here. So I left to give you guys some time, and I came back later."

"W-why would you do that?" Camila asked in disbelief. Gay women were not accepted in society...at all. Camila could be thrown in a mental institution, and Lauren as well.

"I know what it feels like to be humiliated and oppressed over something you have no control over," she said softly, and Camilas eyes lingered over the older womans dark skin color and realized what she meant. Normani was treated differently because of her skin color, something she had no control over.

"That woman," Normani said, pulling the younger woman out of her thoughts, "that woman that was here...how do you feel about her?"

Camila sat against the wall and blinked, "She - shes amazing. Shes...smart, and she actually listens to me. She makes me a better person...no, she makes me want to be a better person.I feel like I can be honest with her.  When I'm with her I'm brave. Or I feel brave..I don't know, but when I'm with her...I feel good. Like, when I first learned to - to ride a bike my dad was holding onto the seat so I wouldn't fall and he gave me a push so I went down this hill, and - and I put my arms up and I felt like I was flying. Like I was completely free to do anything - to be anything. Thats how she makes me feel. She makes me feel alive,"

Brave. Honest. Beautiful. Camila smiled and touched her lips thinking of the other night when Laurens lips were pressed against hers. Camila felt her breathing hitch in her throat and she laughed. Her heart thumped louldy and she shot up, knocking some cups over onto the floor.

"Are you okay?" Normani asked the younger woman.

"I-I'm sorry. I have to go," Camila said grabbing her jacket and running out. The lights on top of all the buildings were shining so brightly it lit up the whole world. Camila smiled as she felt the cold wind brush past her face. Winter was coming soon, and she loved the snow. She breathed in the cold air around her and as it swirled down to her lungs she felt it filling her up like a balloon. She walked as fast as she could back to the apartment she was staying in.

"Good evening, miss," The doorman, Rob, said tipping his hat to her.

"Hello, Rob," Camila smiled, rushing inside so the cold air couldn't catch her.

"You seem awfully happy tonight. Whats got you in a mood?" The man asked her, and Camila shrugged, "Happy looks good on you. You look like you're ready to conquer the world."

Camila flushed, "You really think I could do that?"

"I think you can do anything you set you mind to," He told Camila, and she felt anxiety pooling in her stomach, but she pushed it away. She leaned forward and hugged the man as tight as she could.

"Thank you," She smiled, and he laughed.

Camila ran to the stair case as fast as she could, hoping that if she ran fast enough, the anxiety would settle. But the thing is if you run fast enough you get this running high where you feel like you can do anything, and Camila felt like she was a shooting star right now. It almost scared her how good she felt. Shooting stars have to land sometime, right? How long would this last? But Camila couldn't think about the consequences right now. She finally got to her destination and found herself in front of Laurens door. She breathlessly knocked on the door, and heard footsteps approaching and she felt herself get dizzy. Lauren opened the door with a confused expression. Camila breathed heavily staring at the beauty in front of her.

"Camila, what-"

Camila cut her off by pressing her lips firmly against Laurens, never wanting to let go.

 

 

 

\--- 

_"Hello Dollll," A voice slurred. Oh, no. Camila thought. This can't be happening. Please, no._

_"I bet you missed me, Darlin'," She good taste his breath he was so close. He smelled like beer, and cigarette smoke. Camila felt a tear slide down her cheek. She couldn't look him in the eye. He hadn't seen him for awhile, it seemed like he had been gone for months.  
_

_"It's been a long time since we last...had some fun. Do you want to have some fun, Darlin'?" Camila shook her head as more tears slipped down her face. She closed her eyes and pretended this was a dream. She hated him. She hated him more than anything in the entire world. He made her feel like she was worthless, like she was nothing, and Camila was tired of it.  
_

_"Look at me," he growled. "God damn it I said look at me!" He yelled hitting her across the face. He grabbed her bruised jaw and moved her head to meet his eyes. His different colored eyes haunted her every time she closed her eyes.  
_

_She could taste his disgusting breath and see the sparkle in his pale blue eye, while his other was a dark, dark brown. She heard him unzip his pants, and he started to move Camilas' legs. No! God damn it, not again! Camila, do something!!  
_

_Camila felt her ties loosen and she slipped one of her hands out.  
_

_"You can't fight me, Doll. I always win."_

_"You're wrong about that," Camila said, and slapped him across the face. She pulled her other hand loose and she punched him right in the jaw. She kneed him in his crotch and he fell over, groaning, "you're disgusting," Camila said, kicking him in the stomach. He groaned, trying to get up and defend himself but Camila kicked him again. A lot harder this time._

_"You think you can just keep me in here, and act like I'm some sort of toy? Or pet?" Camila hissed, kicking him again. Camila felt the rage bottle up inside her like a bomb, ready to explode._

_"You are my pet, doll. You're not even human. You're worthless. You're just mine, chloroform girl."_

_Camila felt her face scrunch up in disgust and before she could stop herself, she was on top of him smashing his head into the ground again and again and again and again, until he was dead._


	7. Chapter 7

The feeling that erupted throughout both girls was breathtaking, euphoric, and sensational. Camila felt a wave of goosebumps flow down her limbs as Lauren licked her bottom lip. The younger woman had never been kissed and Lauren had never felt so such passion in one moment she felt as if she might explode. Camilas head was spinning, because Lauren was _kissing_ her and Camila was kissing her back. It was something unimaginable like it was from a movie. The younger woman never in a million years would have guessed she would be standing in front of Laurens doorway, feeling this close to her like they were wrapped up in the same skin. Camila was so afraid to stop kissing her because she didn't know what would happen when it was over. Would Lauren shove her away? Or yell at her? Camilas lips were sore and she was dizzy from excitement, and nervousness.

"Camila," Lauren breathed, and the younger woman didn't know her name could sound that melodious, "Wow," she whispered so softly, it sent shivers down Camilas spine.  They stood quietly for a moment because neither knew what to say. Camila felt anxiety pooling in her stomach and she was afraid Lauren would tell her to go home. Camila would give anything to know exactly what Lauren felt in that precise moment. Laurens demeanor seemed cold and distant like she was waiting for Camila to run away, but this time Camila didn't want to run. She wasn't afraid of running because she had already accepted what she wanted. What scared her was that Lauren might not want her back. Camila took a step forward and Lauren put her hand up as if to say 'stop'. Camila felt like she had been slapped and she waited silently for Lauren to say something.

"Why?" Lauren said so quietly, it was barely above a whisper. Camila felt like she might break out into sobs, "Why did you run from me?"

"Lauren, I'm - I'm so sorry. For everything. I didn't mean to - to run. When - when I get scared that's what I do...I run, but I - I don't want to do that anymore. I want...I want this. I want _you_ ," Camila said holding back tears. She wanted Lauren to trust her but she knew the older woman never would - or could. Camila was an inexplicably good liar. She lied about everything. Where she came from, why she left. Shed lied about her family and her life growing up. If Lauren found out that Camila lied she would never forgive the younger woman.

Lauren inhaled sharply, eying Camila so intently Camila thought she would burn up under her fiery gaze, "Why were you afraid?"

"I - I can't explain it...I just -" Camila said, biting her lip so hard she thought it might bleed. How could she explain how she felt inside? It was like there was a fire inside of her and she was burning up and rotting away. Everytime she lied to Lauren the fire got hotter and it was harder and harder for Camila to lie, but she wanted this so badly she didn't care how much she had to lie. But what was she supposed to say?

"Lauren, whats the hold up?" A voice came from inside Laurens apartment. Camila peeked over Laurens shoulder and saw a tall girl with wavy brown hair standing in one of Laurens t-shirts.

"No," Camila whispered. Who was that? Camila thought. Laurens girlfriend? The younger woman felt like she had just been punched in the stomach.

"Dinah, can you just wait a minute?" Lauren said and shut the door, leaving her and Camila out in the hall. Camila felt like she couldn't breathe. Why was that girl wearing Laurens shirt? Lauren folded her arms and looked expectantly at Camila like she was saying 'go on'.

"Who - who was that girl?" Camila asked, uneasily. She rubbed her arms to get some sort of comfort.

"She's no one. Just a friend," Lauren said, reassuring the younger woman. Lauren reached up and started rubbing Camilas arms instantly calming the shorter girl. Camila felt the anxiety in her stomach slowly slipping away with each gentle brush of Laurens fingertips against her skin like a balloon flying away into the atmosphere. If Camila told the older woman about her real life, Lauren would never look at her the same way again. Camila was terrified that she might lose this bond between the two of them, so she did what she did best, she lied.

"M-my dad he was in the war and - and I just I'm afraid that's all. He - he was gone all the time and he's still gone. He's really high up in the rankings and I just miss him," Camila lied, biting her lip, and for a split second Laurens features remained confused, like she didn't believe her, and the younger womans heart almost stopped. But then Laurens features softened and she pulled Camila into a tight embrace.

"I'm so sorry, Camz," The older woman said rubbing Camilas arms, comforting her, "That must be so hard, but you don't be sad all the time, you can talk to me, you know," and Camila nodded into the older womans chest as if saying 'I know.' Camila breathed in Laurens distinct scent. It was like a mixture of vanilla and strawberry, and the younger woman had never smelt anything as beautiful as that. Laurens hair was soft against her face, and Camilas eyes were tiring. She felt so safe in Laurens arms, so content. She felt like she was floating on a cloud, and she just wanted to stay in this spot forever. Camila remembered when she was taken he wrapped her mouth in a cloth and Camila remembered smelling something sweet. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head and she felt like she was floating and a cloud as soft as a pillow. She felt so radiant, the sun was shining on her tan skin and her eyelids fluttered when she heard a voice, a soft sweet voice telling her it would be okay. Floating on that cloud in anothers arms was what Camila felt like paradise would be like. and when she came down from her heightened state she never thought she would feel that good again, but here in a dusty, old hallway curled up next to a girl who smelled of fruit and vanilla was the closest to heaven Camila knew she could ever get.

"We better get you home," Lauren laughed, "you're drooling on my arm," The older woman helped Camila back into her apartment and laid her down on the bed. Lauren pulled off Camilas shoes and jacket and left her in her street clothes. Every time Camila felt her fingers brush against her she felt a wave of goosebumps erupting through out her limbs. Laurens touch was gentle and soft like Camila was made out of glass, and she might break any minute. Camila felt like she must be dreaming, every touch was so heavenly it couldn't be real. Lauren moved pieces of Camilas hair out of her face, and leaned down and brushed her lips so gently across the her head so swiftly Camilas head felt dizzy. Lauren mumbled something Camila couldn't understand and she started to walk away.

"Wait," Camila whispered, barely able to keep her eyes open, "stay." Camilas eyes drifted closed and she felt sleep overcome her. She could hear Lauren talking like it was a dream, but she knew it wasn't. It was a place between awake and asleep, where Camilas body felt weightless and immobilized. Where her eyes were shut tight but she could still see everything so clearly. Where everything felt 10x better, where she was happy and where she was safe.

 

\--

Camilas eyes drifted open slowly and she was met with a deep pair of green eyes.

"Wake up!" Lauren shouted and Camila gasped as the scream pierced her eardrums. Camila sat up rubbing her eyes and she blinked a few times to make sure she wasn't just dreaming.

"Lauren...you're...here?" Camila whispered.

"Of course I'm here. You asked me to stay. Now, UP! Get up and brush your teeth and get dressed we have to go HURRY!"

"Why whats wrong?" Camila asked suddenly, tensing up.

"Nothing is wrong, except, we are going to miss it now HURRY!" Lauren yelled. She was in her usual attire but now she was bundled up in a big jacket, and a hat atop her head. Camila giggled as she ran to to the bathroom to relieve herself and brush her teeth. When she returned she saw an outfit laid out on the bed and she heard Lauren in the kitchen. She flushed, thinking about how Lauren stayed with her, and picked out an outfit for her, and was making breakfast for her. She looked down at the bed as she dressed and she wished - more than wished - she wanted more than anything to be able to have seen Lauren sleeping next to her, eyes fluttering, and her slow pace of her her heartbeat against Camilas cheek.

"You ready?" Lauren asked, as Camila wrapped a scarf around her neck. Camila nodded and Lauren smiled handing her a warm cup.

"What is this?" Camila asked, unsure. Lauren rolled her eyes in a playful way as she grabbed Camilas blankets off her bed, "Hey! Lauren? What are you doing??"

Lauren smiled and grabbed Camilas hand and led her out into the hallway, locking the door, and going into the elevator. Camila felt giddy inside. There was something awfully euphoric of having no idea whats goimg to happen, but knowing its with someone you care deeply for.

"Lauren, please tell me what we are doing." Camila begged, as the elevator dinged and the doors opened, "what the heck? Lauren why are we on the roof? Its freezing and dark and we-" Lauren cut her off by pressing her lips against Camilas. Camila gasped and felt chils go down her spine when the cold wind brushed past her open mouth and she kissed the older woman. Lauren pulled away softly and kissed Camilas nose.

"Not knowing is part of the fun. Now, come here," Lauren said pulling Camila towards a bench near the edge of the roof. Lauren wrapped a blanket around her and took a gulp of her drink in her cup and nodded towards Camilas as if to say 'drink!' Camila hesitantly took a drink and instantly felt refreshed as the warm liquid rushed down her throat.

"Hot cocoa?" Camila whispered, unsure of why she was since they were the only two on the roof. Lauren nodded, smiling.

"Its my favorite, besides coffee of course," Lauren smiled and the younger woman laughed.

"So?" Camila started, "we are going to watch the sunset?"

"Well, when you say it like that," Lauren scoffed playfully.

"No I didn't mean it like that," Camila laughed, " I just - I've never watched the sunset before."

Lauren smiled. "I like to watch the clouds change colors, and watch the stars fade away. Its so gorgeous, and phenomenal. I used to be sad all the time. I didn't have anyone, and I needed someone or anyone to tell me that I'm doing a good job or that I 'll be okay. I needed recognition. I used to think I was worthless, but I come up here and I realize how small my problems are, and I realize no matter how much my life sucked, the sun would rise and create the most beautiful blend of blues, and pinks, and yellows. It was art, and it was so pretty but at the same time it wasn't...I mean who cares about the sunset, right? The sun rises every morning for as long as the earth has been alive and no one notices because that's it job. And then I realized I don't need recognition to be beautiful, to feel worth something, because the sun rises and sets, and the waves crash into each other, and the trees and flowers bloom and grow without anyone taking a second glance. Nature is the most chaotic, most beautiful art in the entire world, and it doesn't need to be recognized to be beautiful, because it always has been."

Camila stood, speechless. As she watched the older woman gaze out at the sun slowly, but surely, rising. She appeared almost fragile in that moment, but Camila knew Lauren was strong because it takes a lot of guts to tell someone your weaknesses. Camila glanced out at the sky as the world started shooting out colors. Camila could see Lauren watching her from the corner of her eye and she flushed.

"Lauren," Camila said without taking her eyes away from the changing sky.

"Hm?" Lauren replied.

"Thought we were hear to watch the sunset," Camila smiled.

"I've already seen it," Lauren said and Camila flushed and laughed awkwardly.

"Camila?" Lauren said, hesitantly, "can you tell me about your mom?"

"What? Why?" Camila asked. Why would she want to know about her? Camila thought.

"Sorry," Lauren said looking down, "your eyes they just always light up when you talk about her so I was just wondering. I want to know more about you. I want to know everything,"

"If you knew everything you wouldn't want to know me," Camila whispered.

"Camila," Lauren whispered brushing her thumb across her cheek, "We can start with baby steps? But I promise I wouldn't ever judge you,"

Camila bit her lip and looked up at Laurens beautiful eyes staring at her so intently.

"She would've liked you - my mom - she would've liked how brave you are," Camila started and Lauren smiled. Camila started telling the older woman all sorts of things about her mother. Like when Camila first learned how to ride a bike and she fell down and scraped her knee and her mom carried her the whole way home and they curled up on the couch together and ate ice cream. Camila told Lauren so many stories she had forgotten how long they had been up here. The spread out the blanket on the ground and they both laid down and watched the clouds as the kept talking. They took turns telling each other about their families and their adventures going up. Camila had run out of stories since her childhood was gone when she was ten. So she listened to Lauren talk about her parents, and siblings, and the town where she grew up. Camila was surprised to hear that Lauren didn't grow up too far from her. When it started getting too hot they went back down to Camilas apartment and Lauren made grilled cheese and read the younger woman The Great Gatsby until she fell asleep.

\--

_"Hello, doll," Camila heard, but when she opened her eyes she wasn't in the rotten basement. She was in her apartment. No, please, no._

_"How are you alive? Camila whimpered, "I thought I...I thought I...k..-" Camila couldn't say the words. With every step he took closer to her, the more she tried to scream and run but she was frozen. She couldn't move._

_"Killed me?" He laughed, "You did."  But how? Camila thought. Her chest ached with every breath she took and she felt like she was going to vomit._

_"How am I here?" He answered her thoughts, "I'm always here, Camila. In your thoughts, your dreams, your nightmares. Im everywhere."_

Camila shot up in bed. She was breathing heavily and her throat was sore. She kicked off her blankets because she was hot and sweaty and she looked around for Lauren. She frowned when she wasn't in bed next to her. She found a note on the nightstand next to the bed. 

_**I'm sorry, I had to go.**_ **_If you need anything, call me._ **_**Lauren.**_

Camila saw the number scribbled at the bottom of the paper. She did need her, but she didn't call. The young woman got up and showered and put on fresh clothes and made herself a sandwich. She noticed she was getting low on food, and supplies so she would have to make a trip to the store soon. She was grateful Normanis mom got her a job at the The Cafe. When she thought of Normani she instantly remembered how she spilled her guts to her yesterday and Camila mentally slapped herself.  _How could I be so stupid?_ Camila ran to the phone on the wall and asked Normani to meet her at her apartment she they could talk. She cleaned up her apartment (even though it was already spotless) and opened the window to let in some fresh air because she felt nauseous. She heard a knock on the door and ran to open it took her a moment to place a name with the face she saw in front of her. 

"Margo!" She said, pulling the old woman into a hug.

"Hello, dear," Margo smiled, "you seem well. You've gained weight. I'm proud of you," Camila flushed and thanked her politely. Camila made tea and they sat down at the table and Camila gave her an update on her new life. 

"I want you to know, dear. I didn't just come for the tea. The man - the man that kidnapped you? Do you remember what he looked like?"

Camila stood back in shock. In all the chaos she forgot she told Margo about what happened, Camila nodded, "Yes. Yes, I remember."

The old woman looked at her sadly, "Is this him?" She asked, hesitantly, sliding a newspaper across the table at Camila. Camila stood back and cupped her hand across her mouth. The title read:

_**Suspect In Villa Murder Case Goes Missing** _

"I don't - I don't understand. What does this mean?" Camila asked trying not to cry. 

"The man who kidnapped you? His name was Tony Villa. His sister was murdered a few years back and they thought he did it. And he's gone missing,"

"Why - why are you telling me this?" Camila asked, right as there was a knock on the door.

She opened it and sighed when she saw that it was Normani. She had forgotten she had invited her over.

"Hey, you ok?" The curly-haired woman said.

"Come in," Camila said, softly, ignoring her question, "Do you want a drink or something to eat? I just made tea,"

"Can I have some water?" Normani asked and Camila set a glass of water down in front of her and Mani thanked her.

"So, whos this?" Normani asked gesturing towards the old woman.

"This...is Margo," Camila said, and the old woman smiled, "She is the one who sort of helped me escape,"

Camila told Normani everything that happened and this time she didn't leave out the part where she killed a man. Normani was silent the whole time and so was Margo as they listened to the younger woman rehash the gory details for her nightmare of a past. 

"Shit," Normani whispered, "Im so sorry, Mila."

"Don't. Please, I don't need you feeling sorry for me," Camila said, and Normani nodded.

"So what does it mean this Tony guy is missing then? Didn't they search his house? Wouldn't they have found his body?" Normani asked.

"It means," The old woman said, "either someone moved the body, or hes still alive."

And Camilas heart stopped and she felt like she was going to have a panic attack. Someone knocked at the door and all three woman flinched. Camila stood up and looked in the peep hole and she breathed a sigh of relief when she saw it was just Lauren.

"Listen," Camila whispered, "She can't know about any of this, alright?" and they both nodded as Camila opened the door.

"Camila!" Lauren said pulling her in for a hug.

"Hey," Camila said trying her best to sound like she about to have a heart attack, "Though you were at work?"

"I lied," Lauren smiled, "Im sorry I just had to tell you. Please don't be angry with me," Lauren said, smiling.

"What did you do?" Camila asked, dubiously.

"I found him!" Lauren exclaimed, "I found your dad!"

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I know this fanfic is all over the place and it kind of sucks lmao but I really want to finish it because I have a good ending so just bare with me it will all make sense in the end lol. Also comment whether you think Camila will tell Lauren the truth or if she should tell her!! Comment vote whatever lol just thank you so much for reading I promise it will get better :)

Camila was - well - she was just terrified. Because Lauren almost caught her in the middle of one of her biggest lies.

It had been a week since Lauren told Camila she had found her dads address and Camila kept coming up with excuses like _'I'm just not ready'_ or _'What if he doesn't want to see me?'_ To which Lauren would reply with _'Of course, he wants to see you. He's your dad.'_   And how was Camila supposed to tell her the truth? What was she supposed to say? ' _Oh my kidnapper and possible murderer could be loose and on the look for me so I can't give myself away by showing up at my dads house.'_ Because, Lauren wouldn't understand. Camila knew the older woman _hated_ complicated things so she was confused to why Camila kept making up excuses.

Camila and Lauren sat up on the roof on their blanket (they did that a lot) it was away from prying eyes so people wouldn't scold the _lesbians_ even though they both hated that word. Lauren was in the middle of telling Camila a story about her first dog she had growing up when she dozed off leaving Camila to her own thoughts. Camila looked at the older woman and admired how her thick eyebrows complimented her pale face nicely and her eyes lingered over her soft, pink lips and she thought about how they felt against her skin.

Her thoughts drifted back to the day Lauren told her she found her dad.

"I found your dad!" Lauren exclaimed, leaving Camila speechless. Camila could feel her insides beginning to twist. Normani coughed and Lauren looked around obviously confused, "who was that?"

Lauren glanced inside and saw the two woman and her face dropped and she looked a little confused and disappointed.

Camilas head was spinning from all the information she had gathered today. Her kidnapper could be alive which relieved Camila of the stress on her because it meant she wasn't a killer. But it also meant that the person who kept her captive for five years, the person she was most afraid of in the world was alive and she knew he wouldn't stop scouring the earth until he found her.

The only other theory she could think of was that someone moved that body and that scared Camila because she didn't know if that meant that were helping her or were against her.

 "Camila!" Lauren shouted, shaking the younger woman from her thoughts, "whats going on?"

She bit her lip and looked around, not knowing what to say, "Lauren..." she said uneasily, "theres something you need to know."

"Lauren is it?" Margo interrupted, "I'm Camilas grandmother and this is my other grand-daughter, Normani,"  

When Margo put her hand out to shake Lauren immediatly pulled her into a hug.

 "Its so nice to meet you!" Lauren said while hugging Normani as well.

Normani and Margo both were shocked at the sudden exchange but both were put at ease in Laurens gentle touch. It was hard to deny Lauren, with her big puppy dog eyes and her smile that stretched across her whole face that made everyone look twice because her rocker exterior did not match her personality.

For _days_ thats ALL Lauren could talk about. Was how she couldn't believe she got to meet her family and how she couldn't wait to meet the rest.

And now, sitting on the roof Camila had found peace in Laurens silence.

She loved to hear Lauren talked honestly, but not if it meant she had to answer every question with a lie. Lauren kept asking when she could see the younger womans grandmother and cousin again, and Camila hoped it was soon. She missed the old woman, but Margo said she would be back when she found out more information.

So, Camila waited. 

Camila hated waiting. 

Her fingers traced Laurens thick eyebrows, her closed fluttering eyelids, her dainty sniffling nose, and Laurens eyes flew open as Camila greedily traced her lips wanting to feel them on her own again. 

"Camila.." Lauren said uneasily.

"What?" Camila asked, unsure of the older womans sudden setback. 

"Sorry," she mumbled, shaking her head, "I forgot where we were for a minute." 

"We're alone," Camila reassured her. 

Lauren flushed and smiled nervously and the younger woman looked at her skeptically. 

"Why do we have to be alone?" Camila asked.

"No, we don't - I just...nothing." Lauren said, shaking her head and smiled making the younger womans stomach flutter. Lauren pulled the younger woman towards her and pressed their lips together and Camila sighed into Laurens mouth making the older woman laugh and lick further into her mouth. She pulled away suddenly and looked at her watch.

"Do you have somewhere to be?" Camila asked, and the older woman shook her head.

"No, but WE do. Hurry up. Get up we are going to be late," Lauren said picking up their mess they made on the roof and Camila rubbed her arms, smiling widely.

Lauren always did this. She always gave Camila mysteries to solve. It was fun because Camila had no idea what they were going to do so she didn't have to get her hopes up for anything. She just knew it would be fun cause she was with Lauren and Lauren made everything more fun.

Camila rushed down the steps holding the older womans sweaty hand. Lauren told the younger girl to grab a jacket and they both rushed out to the front of the building as the breeze drifted past them making Camila shiver. She reached down to hold Laurens hand and the older woman immediately raised her hand up to call a taxi and Camila frowned. But she wouldn't let Lauren see her.

A yellow car pulled to the side of the road and they both slide inside and Lauren gave the man an address. Camilas stomach was fluttery and anxious to know where they were going and Lauren gave her a knowing smile and patted her thigh.

"Are you young ladies together?" The cab driver asked, looking in the rearview mirror.

"Y-"

"No," Lauren said quickly, cutting the younger woman off and scooting away from her, "We're...sisters."

Camila frowned.

The cab driver breathed a sigh of relief and laughed, "Thank God! No way I want to drive around  _gays_ in MY cab. No sir!"

The cab driver laughed.

Lauren laughed too.

Camila didn't say a word the rest of the cab ride.

"Camila!" Lauren said calling after the younger woman. Right as the car came to a stop Camila got out and walked away. She didn't know where she would go. She wanted to go home, but Camila didn't have a home.

"I'm sorry," Lauren said, and Camila kept walking, "I'm sorry, ok? I'm...-"

"Are you ashamed of me?" Camila said as she spun around meeting Laurens gaze.

"What?"

"Is that why you won't h-hold my hand in front of, like...people? You don't want them to know...about me. Whats bad about me? Why are you a-ashamed?"

"Camila..." Lauren started.

"No," the younger girl said stepping away, "just tell me. Is it - is it because of what the man said in the cab? You're not - you're not embarrassed of me. You're embarrassed of you. Right? Is that what you're worried about? Tell me, Lauren! Tell me why you are acting like this, because you - you told me - do you remember? - you told me its okay to like whoever I want to like. Its okay, Lauren, its - its okay."

"I'm sorry," was all Lauren could say.

Camila swallowed, "Me too,"

"I've never felt this way until now , you know." Lauren said and the younger woman began to walk with her.

"Felt what?" Camila asked, her stomach fluttering as her angry thoughts began to fade.

'Camila,,,I don't know how to apologize. I'm not ashamed of you. I mean look at you," she said gesturing toward Camila and she flushed and looked at the ground, "I've been with other girls but I haven't had you. I want you, Camila. You. And maybe I do care if people know, but I want you to know. Its you. Its only you,"

"You don't even know me, Lauren." Camila said stepping away.

"I don't?" Lauren asked, "You favorite book is Wuthering Heights because you love tragic love stories. Your attracted to sadness. You hate loud noises and you'd rather be freezing cold than burning hot. You don't like talking to people, but you love animals especially dogs and cats. You like bright colors like the sky and the trees and you hate the dark. Sometimes when you're asleep you whisper someones name in your sleep, sometimes its mine, sometimes its not. Its your moms, you miss her. I can tell. You always want me to cut the crust off your sandwhiches and you like when people tell you you're doing a good job. You like to be taken care of. You like to feel recognized, and you always, always pick up liter no matter where we are. I know you, and I know that you're a good person."

Camila started crying. Lauren hugged her and squeezed her hand tightly to let her know its okay. They walked in silence together to their destination and Camilas eyes lit up.

"We're going bowling?" She exclaimed.

Lauren smirked, "I knew you would be excited."

Camila hugged her. They went inside and the older woman paid for their shoes and they went out onto the floor. Camila was very bad at bowling. Once she accidentally threw the ball in another lane and Lauren laughed so hard she cried. Lauren was  surprisingly good and Camila was jealous.

"Lauren!" Camila pouted "Can you please show me how you do it? Plleeeeeeeaaasssseee! PUHLEEAAASSE! You're like a professional!"

Lauren rolled her eyes and went up to the younger woman who giggled with glee because she finally got her way.

"Ok turn around," Lauren said, her fingers ghosting over Camilas bare shoulder giving her goose bumps.

"Now straighten your arm out like this.." The older woman said as her arm stretched out to meet camilas hand that was holding the ball.

"Good, now.." She said, her front pressed up against the younger girls back side, "bend your knees a little, pull back your arm and..."

Camila got a strike. She turned around slowly, and met Laurens fierce gaze.

"I did it," Camila said softly.

"Good job," the older girl said, her voice was low and raspy.

Camila flushed, "Thank you."

Camila was overcome by the oddest sensation she felt like her stomach was tightening up but it was more than just butterflies. Her lower regions started to tighten as well, and Camila squeezed her legs shut.

"Ohh, camz. The things I would do to you," Lauren said whispering softly in her ear, "too bad there are people here,"

Camilas face was red and her entire body felt like it was on fire.

"W-what would you do?" Camila asked not sure if she really wanted to know the answer.

"I'll tell you later," the older woman said and playfully hit Camilas butt as she walked past her to get them burgers up at the front. Camila went into the bathroom and splashed her face with cold water.

What was going on with her?

Lauren walked in and the look she had her face sent chills down to Camilas lower abdomen.

Lauren started kissing Camila harder than she usually does. Their lips usually moved together but this time it was sloppy and more tongues than lips but Camila was burning up.

"Lauren," Camila whined as the older woman kissed up her neck, lauren hummed and it sent vibrations down Camilas back.

"What?" Lauren asked innocently.

"What is thi - Just do...something pl...ease,"

The door handle twisted and the girls both pulled apart quickly.

"Later," Lauren whispered to her and Camila was sure if that was a promise or a question. All Camila knew is that she had a lot of feelings for Lauren and she didn't even know her last name.

The girls left the bathroom and ate their burgers and Lauren teased Camila the whole time about how she threw the ball in the complete other lane. Camila was too busy trying to ignore the aching between her legs.

The girls both left and took a cab back to their apartment building. They found themselves kissing each other right as they got inside. They both had an ache for each other and Camila was going crazy waiting.

"Camila," Lauren stopped her, "I - are you sure?"

"P - please," Camila whined, writhing underneath Laurens sweaty, yet clothed body, "make me feel good."

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol :) sorry if it sucked I tried my best sljkjfsldkajfdgkj im excited for the b=next chapter


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok honestly im so sorry I wrote the last chapter at like 3 in the morning so I know it sucks kjlfadskjhadgskljj Idk why so many people are reading this so I guess ill try to make it better. This chapter will have a little sexual content so ya lol

Lauren gasped, because okay, Camila basically just asked her to have sex with her.

Camilas head was spinning, and every nerve in her body was on high alert. Every time Lauren pressed her lips gently against her skin she could feel her body getting hotter and hotter. Lauren was straddling the younger womans legs and she pulled off her shirt leaving her in only a simple white bra. Camila tried to hide her moan because _fuck_ Lauren looked so pretty with her black hair falling loosely against her chest.

Lauren leaned back down and was gently rubbing herself against Camilas center. The younger womas hand was racing up and down Laurens back leaving goose bumps in their wake. Laurens fingertips pressed against the hem of Camilas shirt and she stopped kissing her to silently ask her if this was okay. Camila felt the flashbacks in her mind coming back to haunt her. Banging against her skull like it was waiting to get inside.

"No," Camila whispered.

"Camila, shh," Lauren said, rubbing her thumb across Camilas face to calm her down, "We don't have to. It's okay."

"No," Camila repeated, "I want this, please, Lauren," Camila said pushing the memories away. She wasn't going to be afraid forever. It's not fair.

"Are you a virgin?" Lauren asked softly.

"No," Camila said suddenly, "I'm Camila."

Lauren sat up, confused.

"You'll be my first, but you can't take anything away from me. I'm Camila now, and after this I'll still be me. I won't be any different," Camila said, because that's what she truly believed. She wouldn't let anyone take anything away from her ever again. She would always be Camila, no matter what. It seemed sudden, her bravery, but that's what she had to do. She had to be brave.

Lauren smiled, "I just don't want to hurt you."

"You won't."

Lauren raised Camilas shirt above her head and bite her lip when she saw Camilas little black bra hugging tightly against her chest. Camila felt the sudden urge to cross her arms over her chest until Lauren whispered, "Beautiful."

And Camila truly believed it.

Lauren kissed up the younger girls neck earning a soft moan from her. Camila could feel the wetness between her legs and the harder Lauren kissed her the easier it was to fight the memories coming back to haunt her. Their lips moved together so perfectly that Camila wondered if her lips were made to be right here in between Laurens.

Lauren placed wet, but gentle kisses down Camilas stomach towards her waistline. She lick inside Camilas bellybutton making Camila laugh and moan at the same time. Lauren popped open the button of Camilas jeans so painfully slowly that Camila felt as if she had been waiting for hours. The ache in between her legs had grown so strong that she wanted to cry she needed some sort of relief. She wanted Lauren to do something - anything - to make it go away.

Lauren slowly reached her hand down the younger girls pants and Lauren smiled up at Camila with admiration in her eyes making her flush. Lauren brushed her finger over Camilas panties and it felt like Lauren was touching every inch of her body at the same time. Lauren started to slide her finger in the girls pants and Camilas hands stopped the older womans movements. Lauren frowned and leaned up to kiss Camila.

"Sorry," Camila said, "It was just a reflex. I - I really want this, Lauren. I want you. I'm just...afraid."

"Of what?" Lauren asked, and Camila bit her lip.

"We don't have to," Lauren says softly, caressing the younger womans cheek.

"I want to I - I just..." Camila says, lost her words when Lauren starts sucking on her neck.

Lauren was in push up position staring down at Camilas body, "You know, there are other things we can do."

"Like what?" Camila breathed.

"If you don't want me to touch you yet I can teach you how to do it yourself,"

Camila gasped at the thought, "I can do that?"

"Yes," Lauren said huskily, breathing into the younger girls ear.

"You just take your hand," Lauren said, grabbing Camilas hand,

"and put it down your pants," she said copying the movements she was saying and Camila gasped at the pressure she felt with her and Laurens hand against her.

"And theres a little spot that you have to find," Lauren said pressing Camilas hands against herself and Camila moaned.

"There it is," Lauren smirked, "now all you have to do is rub it until you finish,"

Lauren removed her whined and Camila whined at the loss of pressure.

"You do it," Camila breathed.

"You want me to?" Lauren asked and the younger girl nodded her head frantically.

Lauren was kissing up and down Camilas neck making her moan uncontrollably as her hand was moving up and down over Camilas underwear pressing right at her center.

"Lauren, p-please," Camila begged, as Lauren circled around her center and moved to her mouth to swallow her moans.

Camilas entire body felt like it was on fire as Lauren rubbed her. She could feel a bead of sweat rolling down her forehead and all she could think about was Laurens hand down her pants and Laurens hot chest pressed up against hers.

"Lauren I -" Camila started, when a knock came at the door halting Laurens movements.

Lauren looked down at Camila and smiled, "to be continued?"

Camila frantically nodded and pulled on her shirt as Lauren did the same. She tried to compose herself, as Lauren answered her door. She could feel the anxiety pooling in her stomach, and regret and shame gnawing her after what she just did. How could she do that? What was wrong with her? She felt disgusting. She felt as if her entire body was caked with dirt. SHe started frantically scratching her arms trying to make the feeling go away but it didn't.

Lauren came back and sat on the couch, "It was just Mr. Chang from down the hall. C'mon lets keep going," she says leaning forward to kiss the younger girl but she flinched.

Camila shook her head and Lauren glanced down worriedly at Camilas red arms, "I-I can't. I - I have to go. I'm s-sorry,"

"Camila, whats going on?" Lauren asked, she seemed extremely worried but Camila tried not to care.

"I have somewhere I have to be, please. Let go," She said.

"Okay," Lauren nodded, tears pooling in her eyes.  

Camila rushed out the door and into her apartment stripping down until she was bare and taking a shower. When she was done she felt like she had scrubbed all the layers of skin off her body. She threw some clothes on and called Margo and told her to meet her and Normani at The Cafe in one hour.

Camila rushed out the front door running into a very distressed Lauren, "Camila,"

Camila took a deep breath, "Lauren? Whats wrong?"

Lauren started to cry and Camila hugged her and took her into her apartment.

"Lauren whats wrong?" Camila asked. Laurens deep green eyes were watery and her body was limp in Camilas arms. Her eyes and nose were red from crying. When they entered the apartment Camila helped Lauren to the couch and got her a glass of water.

"Lauren, p-please tell me whats wrong. You're - You're scar-scaring me," Camila stuttered out. She had never seen Lauren under so much duress.

"I have to tell you something, Camz. I've kept it inside a long time and I can't do it anymore. I - I can't. I feel so sick ev-everyday and I - I just...I need to tell someone and you - you're - I just I trust you," Lauren said, hiccupping. Camila shuddered. What did Lauren need to tell her? If Lauren trusted her with this, could she trust Lauren with her secret?

"I-it's okay. You can trust me," Camila smiled at Lauren, reassuring her of her words.

Lauren nodded and started speaking, and Camilas heart shattered. Lauren started telling her a story and Camila remembered it was the same one she read in her journal.

"I - I was in an abusive relationship. He - I - I was just so young. I always tell myself I could have stopped it I could've...anyways, he used to live in the apartment you lived in. When I was 16 I ran away after my parents caught me kissing a girl. I came her and worked as a hooker. I made really, really good money. Enough to get this place, but I wasn't happy and I didn't like what I was doing. One day I came home and I was feeling awful and I ran into him. He was very very pretty. He was also a lot older than me, maybe 25 or 26? He seemed so nice I thought I felt safe with him. He would always compliment me of leave little gifts at my door. He got me a new job at the hardware store down the street so I didn't have to keep...well, yeah. He was incredible. Or - I thought he was. I've never been more wrong in my life. He made me question everything, religion, politics, racism, my sexuality, and just everything. I thought he was so, so amazing. Until we had sex, then everything changed. HE started getting weird, like he would yell at me and throw things. He would make me feel worthless. And...he would hit me. So, so today when I was about to kiss you and you flinched I just - I just couldn't help but remember that and - and wonder you - you don't think about me like that, do you?" Lauren asked, and Camila tried to compose herself and swallow down her tears to answer Laurens question.

"No, of course not. I know you would never hurt me," Camila said calmly trying to make Lauren feel better. It was awfully distressing to see the older woman like this because Camila thought of her as some sort of hybrid, like some sort of extraordinary  being that could handle anything, that was the strongest most beautiful person in the world, but as the tears rushed down Laurens face, the younger woman realized she wasn't some sort of mystical creature or a fairy tale. She was just a girl.

They were both silent for a spell before Camila spoke up, "I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"Me too," Lauren sniffled.

"It sucks. You - you don't deserve that. You deserve the world," Camila said and blushed when Lauren smiled up at her.

"Can you do something with me?" Lauren asked, standing up holding her hand out for camila.

"Yes. What is it?" The younger woman answered, grabbing her hand and following her down the hallway to the bedroom. Camila gasped, she really hoped lauren didn't mean that.

"No, not that," Lauren smirked, "Not yet."

Camila flushed and looked down looking at the older womans room. It was plain, and simple but Camila knew it was Laurens, right away she could tell. Something about it made her feel....safe.

"I have a picture with him, and I - I want to burn it. It's my only picture I have of us. My only memory. The only thing I have left of him, but I need to let him go," Lauren said, with her voice shaking. Camila squeezed her hand as if to say 'its okay' and Lauren nodded as if saying 'thank you'.

Camila slowly took the picture from Lauren to see the man that caused the older woman so much pain. And when the paper flipped over her breath caught in her throat.

"He was beautiful, wasn't he?" Lauren smiled softly, "but he was sick. A sick, sick monster,"

"His - his - his eyes..." Camila finally breathed out.

There was no way.

It wasn't possible.

"Yeah, weird huh? It kind of freaked me out a little,"

Camila nodded, because it did freak her out a little. A lot, actually.

She knew those eyes.

One blue.

It couldn't be possible. Its too much of a coincidence.

One brown.

She couldn't almost hear him saying, _"I told you, you'd never really escape me,"_

Yes, she did know those eyes. Those eyes that haunted her nightmares every night for five years.

She knew those eyes.

They were her kidnappers'.

 


End file.
